Keep On Swimming

In the famous words of Dori, when the going is scary… keep on swimming. This number checking business will give me gray hair before too long. It’s hard, it doesn’t make sense, and I hate finger pokes! I can eat a whole grain waffle one day and have a fine number, the next my number will be jacked up past the OK point. No rhyme or reason! Other than mourning the loss of my food happiness, this weekend was great. On Saturday morning our friend from small group picked us up to take us on a tour of his work. He’s an NCIS special agent (apparently not quite like the show L ) with the navy and took us around the bases to see all the ships and aircrafts and his work place etc while we all talked and asked questions. My advice for his job was to get the NCIS TV show soundtrack and play it when he goes on cases. I think it may happen. After this awesome start to the day Hubs agreed to take me on a picnic so I could bask in the sun, my happy place. It’s finally… for the first time all year so far… been warm enough for me to lie in the sun. And it was only 78 degrees at 1pm. We drove through chick fil a to get lunch so I could play chicken with my numbers, no pun intended, and headed to the park with a blanket and books. I ended up using my book for a pillow after about 5 minutes and then conked out for an hour. The relaxing day concluded with a several hour bath and a book. 

Sunday we made it up in time for the early service at church (9am) much to the astonishment of our friends who of course had to comment on it. After the service we drove over to Kohls to kill time and look for shirts for hubs while we waited for Brunch with the fam. We found a killer deal, and got two Chaps shirts for $30! Marked down from $50 a piece. Those steals were awesome. Brunch was fun, we only have a couple more before my aunt and her family move and then it’s going to be way different. After brunch one of my aunts asked me if I made my dress and pulled it in such a way it was obvious she was looking for a bump. Luckily for me the second she reached I sucked in my entire stomach and it looked like nothing was there. HA. We drove home and I had a nap before class at 7. We are taking the membership class at our church in order to join officially. Its 8 weeks, one hour a week, about the theology of the church. The day ended with two episodes of Game of Thrones and then bedtime.

Minus the fact my world no longer revolves around food it was a good weekend. We are officially 12 weeks as of yesterday and have our appointment and screening Thursday. I cannot wait to see this little one again! At this point last time we had jussssssst gone facebook official with our news. This time, most of our own family doesn't know!

Getting The Hang Of This…?

I have done this thing for one full week. That’s 28 finger pricks. Sometimes it takes more than one, so at least 35 in reality. The learning curve on controlling my numbers is steep. I cannot mess up. I made one of my favorite dishes the other day, penne covered with chicken, polska kielbasa sausage, tomato chunks, and olives heated with basil and thyme. Mmmm. I was terrified after we ate that id have a high number and wouldn’t be able to eat it again but my number was good!!! I just about burst into tears because it’s the first thing I actually like that I can still eat. We did make it with wheat pasta, which is a first. Hubby tasted it to see when it was done and the look on his face made it seem like I asked him to eat boiled cardboard. Once covered by the chicken and sausage mixture we couldn’t tell it was wheat pasta at all. Woo!

I finally wrote my mom a letter telling her our news, which I will send after our appointment on Thursday. The ONLY reason I am finally telling her is because I need her help. Otherwise I was planning to wait till mid August. I have this syndrome, where once I write out a letter to someone I assume they have read it minutes after I have written it. It makes no sense, but I keep assuming my mom now knows and want to talk about it with her but then remember the letter is still sitting on my desk. Ready to go out. Weird. I know. 

To end on this is 11 weeks! The bump has literally been the same size since week 5. But I had nothing before so I’m going with ‘it’s the baby’ instead of ‘bloat.’

This Diet

Is going terrible.  My numbers are all jacked from the most sad of things. Like Chinese. Now it’s on the hit list. I had half a PB& (very little) J and was 20 over the limit. I hate this. I'm complaining I know, but I have 30 more weeks of feeling like everything I eat is harming this baby. I had a breakdown after the Chinese food debacle and just felt like my body is incapable of carrying a baby correctly. First all the problems with Max and now with this one. Ugh. There is no escape and no easy answer and the only way to figure it out is trial and error and every error affects this baby. 

In other less depressing/ ‘I would rather think about this’ news it looks like my mom will be out for a month from October to November. She still doesn’t know our news and how grateful I will be to have her out here. But she will also be out here before and after the 27 week milestone with this one. Which will be emotionally challenging to say the least. She also raised my diabetic brother for the last 12 years and can count carbs in her sleep. I will find that a valuable resource with my own needs and can’t wait. 

I have to get used to pricking my finger. 

It’s been five months today little man. I miss you.

The Update I Have Been Avoiding…GD

Writing this out makes it seem real. It feels like I am at an AA meeting. “Hi, my name is Holly, and I have Gestational Diabetes.” The class on Friday was really long but really informative. I dragged my feet going but it’s a good thing I did. There were 5 women in varying stages of pregnancy in the class, taught by a Nurse that is pregnant and also has GD so that was nice… it came from personal experience. We learned all about what causes it (having a placenta) and what to do to manage it (diet and exercise) and if that doesn’t work (medication.) I didn’t fit in any of the common causes for GD so I asked about my case and she said that it’s most likely because I had my pregnancies back to back and the extra hormones never fully left my body. Because I have it now I am way more likely to have it in every pregnancy and possibly get type II later in life. Joy. We learned about all the possible complications for the baby from having GD and they were pretty sobering. Luckily I am already seeing a perinatal doctor for this pregnancy who knows all this stuff, I even have the same dr the nurse teaching has. The other women have to supplement seeing a perinatal with their regular checkups. I felt like that scene in Mean Girls where the coach is teaching Sex Ed and says “Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die.” It was more like “Don’t eat this, or the baby may have insert terrible symptom here. At the end of the class the nurse handed out our test kits that will be our companions for the rest of our pregnancies. I do not have courage. I do not like needles. I do not like them at all. I have to use a lancet to prick my finger four times a day for the next 30 weeks after meals to measure the sugar levels in the blood it draws. I have to take a spring loaded needle and press the button that shoots it into my finger. My saintly husband will do it for me on the days and times he is home because I start sweating and my heartbeat goes through the roof the closer it gets to “T Time.” Even as I write this I have one eye on the clock because one hour after my first bite of breakfast I have to do the test all by myself. I have 20 minutes left. It doesn’t hurt so much, it stings after but it’s the needle projectile I hate. So my diet is now strict. There is a list a mile long on things I can’t even look twice at. Jam, Bagels, pasta sauce, ketchup, pizza, Chinese food, fruit with meals, dairy with breakfast, candy, pie, cake, syrup, pudding, ice-cream, cereal, coffee creamer, honey, muffins, and fruit juice are all off limits for 30 weeks. Instead I can have 30 carbs per meal made up of small portions of mostly veggies and protein. I'm whining, I know. But I really hate this. It’s going to be really hard and the needles. Even Thanksgiving and Christmas will have to be portioned out.

Other than that life bomb, nothing else is new. We are officially 11 weeks. We have our next appt on the 18^th and that’s our 12 week meeting and out Nuchal testing ultrasound after that. We still haven’t told anyone we are pregnant yet, so it makes it difficult when I’m worried and acclimating to these changes and everyone just thinks I’m moody.  

Hiding This Pregnancy

 It is not getting any easier. Only 3 people besides hubby and me know about this little person and my exploding (I was going to used ‘expanding’ but we are going way too fast for that) bump are getting pretty obvious. I’ve been wearing the same several outfits it seems because they are all loose and I can hide my growing stomach. I'm hoping everyone will just think I'm getting fat and won’t ask:) 10 weeks is a lot longer than we hid the pregnancy last time. Cat was out of the bag at 8. This time I’ve kind of become interested in how long I can hide it without someone asking straight out. My plan for facebook it to announce we are pregnant the day I go into labor. Without saying how far along I am. Then the next day blow everyone’s minds by showing a picture of us holding our baby. I’m pretty excited about that.

What’s new/different with this one this week:

Ok acne. Very funny. Its not hide and seek, I liked ‘hide’ better. I'm tired of being tired and grumpy too. I want me back. And finally I swear I’ve felt this one bounce into my uterine wall once or twice. I imagine the baby in there like an astronaut in space. And with momentum running into the sides by accident every once and a while. I think I’ve only felt that twice. But it feels like Max did and in the right place. Baby is playing bumper cars in there. Its still early so who knows…

Appts this week: Thursday the fasting blood sugar and Friday diabetes class.