Things People Don’t Tell You

All these posts have been saved up and are all uploaded at once. Don't judge.

The most common thing any pregnant person is told is “Sleep now, you won’t get to again for years!” or “Just wait! Your life will be completely different.” Thanks. I’ll log that away somewhere. Helpful? No. Irritating? Yes. So here is a collection of things I have figured out that no one really prepared me for. 

No matter how strong your marriage is, how great you are together, how you never fight… the second that baby makes its appearance your marriage will take a beating. Hubs and I had the steadiest marriage… we had only argued maybe once since we started dating and the number of times I got mad I could count on one hand. After baby: many more. The thing that sleep deprivation does is makes you short tempered and snappy. I still loved and love my husband with all my heart, but the first 4 weeks after baby A came I was not pleasant to anyone. I was exhausted, and worried everything I did had consequences. My sarcastic side reared its ugly head and bit my helpful and loving husband after almost everything he said. I would apologize 50 times a day for my behavior. After we started figuring out parenting our marriage tipped back onto its solid side, and now we are back to being a team instead of mama bear and hubs. Parenting is hard. It’s a guess as you go thing. I had to remember I wasn’t the authority on babies and that he wasn’t doing everything wrong. Feeling short with your spouse is normal. It also goes away. 

Breastfeeding isn’t torture devised to make women want to tear their boobs off. After a week or so, you get the hang of it. Soon water can even touch your nipples again in the shower. Push through the scabs, cracks, bleeding, and dread of attaching a Hoover vacuum to your already beaten up sensitive boobs. Use that lanolin stuff like boob chapstick. Something I think is funny is when I shower with full boobs sometimes the shoot out milk like tiny water (milk) guns. I call them fountain boobs.

Disposable breast pads, great idea in the beginning when you are leaking everywhere and your body hasn’t figured out a pattern. After that, get some washable ones. They don’t crackle when you hug stuff. 

You can never have enough burp clothes. 

Rent (from the library) The Happiest Baby On The Block DVD. It’s helpful to teach you how to swaddle. (really works) I have the swaddle specific blankets, but in a pinch I can use a blanket correctly. 

If you have a little boy… he will pee on you. Often. But they have a built in warning system. Right before they are about to turn on their fountain of glory their little penis goes slightly erect. Weird I know. But a clothes saver. 

You will do everything wrong according to your mother, your neighbor, your friend with the baby, and online forums. Here’s a secret. They are doing it wrong too. There is no tried and true right way to parent. As long as your baby is fed and happy keep doing what you are doing. Even if someone else thinks you are crazy. 

The sleepy milk-drunk cuddles make up for everything. Never give them up to do something else. I already miss my newborn baby. This bigger one I have is different than the cuddly just born one.

Smelling and kissing your baby 700 times a day is actually science. It helps create and maintain the mother child bond. Something about chemicals getting released… all I know is that the fact that my baby’s hair is covered in slobber an hour after a bath is ok with me. It’s worth it for all the kisses. 

The best way to dress your baby in a onsie with a neck hole is to put it on the same way you take it off. Bunch it into a circle around the neck opening and lay it down (like a donut). Set the baby’s head in the middle of the hole and then pull the top part over their head. The back of the neck part is already where it needs to go. Viola!

Baby's First Meltdown

9 times out of 10 baby A takes a bath with me when I take one, instead of in his own tub in the sink. Last night we got brave and decided to dunk him under the water to see how he did. He loves baths and does really well with me in the tub...kicking and splashing and generally being really happy to be in the water. So we decided to see how he would do completely under for a second. We waited until after he was completely clean and he had already eaten and then we counted to three and dunked him for a second. He came up completely surprised and looked like he would cry for half a second, but then we were cheering for him and he decided it was okay after all and was completely fine. I told hubby to take him out and dry him off and I would continue my bath for another half an hour so I could read. Not even one minute after they left the bathroom I hear baby A having a full on meltdown. Sounds I have never heard coming from my child before. I don't know if it was a delayed reaction from the dunking or he was really tired or what but he was just mad. I don't think I've ever gotten out of the tub and dried off so quickly. This is the first time any noises of that caliber had come out of our baby. After hubby put a new diaper on him, still screaming, I grabbed him and rocked him hoping that being skin to skin with me and rocking would help. It didn't. But at least being held by me made him go from crying his heart out to just crying. (Sorry hubby... I’m magic). He was too upset to finish eating so I had to wait until he calmed down to feed him again. After about five minutes of solid crying he finally calm down into the shuddering crying and let me finish feeding him. After he ate he was a lot calmer so I handed him back to hubby. This started him up again, but I knew that Hubbs had to figure out how to calm him down by himself. I felt a little guilty, but I knew that he was fed, he was warm, he was clean, and that he was just upset and he needed to learn that his daddy was just as good as I was at calming him. Hubby got him to settle down and got him to sleep and after that it was completely like our baby was back. He had a good night and woke up as happy as ever. Lesson learned, never dunking him again.

What? I Still Have A Blog?

So now I pretty much admit that I am terrible at staying up to date. Lets see... Things I remember enough to write down without straining my memory.. Currently we are all sick in my house, hubs is mostly better but he gave it to me. I got it worse and now have a runny nose and a cough. Being sick makes my body sore... which means I am moving backwards on the tailbone healing. It hurts now like it did weeks ago. I thought we were getting better... I could occasionally sit without the boppy. Not anymore. Boogerbear has the sneezes and a little cough. Which makes me feel terrible but he responds to being sick my sleeping extra. How did I get so lucky? Last night...slept 9:30-3:30 woke and fed him, slept 4:00-7:30, fed him, 7:50-9:30 slept. And he is currently sleeping in his play mat. Tummy time exhausted him so he slowly laid father and farther down then passed out. I have my eye on him because I am paranoid about the tummy sleeping... But maybe it will help correct his flat spot.

Flat head. My baby is flat headed. He sleeps with his head to one side... Which means that side is flat. Not the back... The right side. I try and turn his head once he's down and he accepts the try-to-sleep-on-the-other-side for a couple minutes then repositions. Bah. So we are getting stricter about tummy time, the way he faces when I hold him, and we will be bringing it up at his peds appt at the end of the month. I really don't think I could resist teasing him if he had to wear a helmet.

Heat rash- yeah. I gave my baby heat rash last week. Whoops. After I saw his bright redness I stripped him and turned on the fan.. Then monitored his temperature and his skin went back to nonred after an hour or so. Ugh. Every little thing has the potential to worry me! I know he's fine. But I am paranoid. Haha parent-anoid.

Easter- we went up to hubs family's house to see everyone. The entire immediate family was there which is really a first... He is one of four, so his parents, his two brothers, their wives, his sister, us, and five babies.
Dang. Fastest weekend ever. We left at 4am sat to drive without traffic and so baby would sleep in his own bed and spend the second half of his night sleep in the car and would stay asleep. So we get to his house at 8am (!!oh dang) the car ride was super. He didn't even fuss. We stopped for breakfast and to feed him and then he slept again. Miracle baby. Spending the two days with family was too much for him. He got passed around (first time ever really) to lots of people. Usually we pass him in small groups where it's quieter. So he was getting passed in a big group with so much going on. He did not like it and needed mom or dad after a few minutes. One of his cousins is two months older and weighs less than him. Baby H is 8lbs and four months. Baby A is 8 1/2lbs and 2 months. Porker. This baby cousin also cries all the time. So now our perfect happy boy learned that bad habit. Great. It's carrying over to being home too. Usually board games get broken out at 9 and last until midnight or so. That night... 9 saw all of us half asleep around the table and ready for bed. Now all of us minus one sister are parents. How the schedules have changed. That night was one if the roughest of his existence. New bed, new place, different routine. None of us three slept. And he fountain peed on hubs in the middle of the night. That night made Sunday even more fun than usual. No sleep for two nights... But it was Easter! Celebrating the resurrection was difficult in church because the pastor talked all about the death itself... Not that He is risen! :/ after church, lunch and then heading out again. We made it home and baby A had a great night back in his own space. Minus the fuss crying. Really wish he hadn't learned that.

One month. It's been a month. My brother is still stupid. Apparently I am not out of the "anger" step.

My diabetes is gone! Hooray!

 

A HUGE congratulations to Gretchen and her hubby and baby..... God is good, Prayer is powerful :) 

This is how he comes to work with me. I sit at my desk, he sits there.

I Have Had Other Things To Do. So Sue Me

So I haven’t updated in a while, to the surprise of no one. I would like to blame motherhood… but it seems like life is running faster than I can catch up. I figured I was due an update seeing as baby A is two months old today. Two months! Wow time flies! (says every parent ever). Life first, Baby A second. 

Life: Official COD... blood sugar went too HIGH. Not low. High. They warn you it’s just as deadly… we still have a thousand questions for every answer. And will forever. When we talk about him, with either my mom or sister we speak in present tense or when a question comes up our first response is “Just call him and ask!” before it hits home that we can call all we want but that phone will never again be answered and we will never hear him talk to us again. A thousand things a day make me sad. He was infuriating, annoying, a copy cat, a tag along, a smart ass, and a know it all. But he was my brother. I was allowed to say those things. No one else can. Now I am left with another awkward pause when I get asked certain questions… not only is “oh is this your first/ how many kids do you have” a landmine… now so is “do you have any siblings/brothers or sisters.” Even if I just answer “yes” the next question is always “older or younger.” He spent his entire 20 years as my little brother. I can’t just leave him out forever.. But if I include him he will be always frozen at 20. I can’t believe that someday he will have been dead for 20 years. That baby A never got to meet him. That his room is shut in our house and my sister and dad had to sort thorough and pack up his room at school. My mom was doing his taxes today, and he had already done them, signed and dated for today. He didn’t know he’d have been dead for two weeks when he dated them for today. I’ve mentally called him an idiot in every way I know how and he has to suck I up and listen because he lost his ability to defend himself and speak back. I think baby A sees him. Sometimes there is something over my shoulder that fascinates him and makes him smile. I can’t even make him smile. But I figure Mom pales in comparison to angels. With Max and Bryan… baby A will be well guarded. 

We were told not to fly home last week because there wasn’t a service. It was just sitting and then going to clean out his room.. but with a baby and my body I would have been a hinderance vs. help. Now we are hoping to make it out this summer for a service. My parents want to have one over the summer so his school friends can all make it. Which I like. And A will be a little bigger to travel with. (I typo-ed “little bugger to travel with” which is also accurate.) 

I had my 2 hour glucose test today, if there is a time where I fear diabetes. This is it. Four blood draws and the most disgusting sugary drink ever later I was free. Results pending. Baby A was a champ through it. Sat in his stroller quietly except when I fed him. I went to feed him in a part of the hospital that was completely out of the way and deserted.. I sit down. No one around. Within 5 minutes 4 people come sit around me. Seriously?! Ugh. Oh well. Boobs are boobs. Suck it strangers.

I had my postpartum check up with my Dr, everything is healing nicely. She removed one stray stitch and declared my down there… good. It’s forever going to look like Quasimodo. Thanks baby… but she said they can re sew it if I want or take care of it next childbirth. I’d rather the latter because there is no sense fixing it to have it break again. Tailbone is still unsittable for lengths of time. But that’s a broken bone with no way to cast. It just has to make its own way. She loved on the baby and said he was prefect (yes I know.. go on) and she wants to be our doctor again next time. Yes please.

With my mom gone, I have had to actually parent my child. No more handing him off or looking to her to affirm all my choices. Sadly I am now 100% responsible all day. The only plus is that I am getting into a routine with the baby and cooking again, and starting work. I can bring him into work with me and he sits in his bouncer next to my desk. It’s worked so far… if it stops I will have to get creative. 

OK the real goods. Baby A and his two month self. 

He is HUGE! 12.4 pounds and 23 inches! Ok so technically that is average.. but he is so much bigger than when he was born. He is currently fussing at me on the ottoman because he wasn’t to be entertained or picked up. So Pause for now. Ill pick back up later. Hopefully not days later….

Only hours. So we are still good. He got his first shot today and took it like a champ! We are spreading the vaccines out  instead of pumping him full of them all at once and so today was shot 1. He squeak/yelled for about 2 seconds and then when hubs picked him up he was totally fine. 

He makes eye contact now and grabs my hair if it comes into range. He doesn’t know he has hands yet, but they grab things by themselves. He smiles every once and a while when I talk to him and try to get him to giggle. Then whatever I was doing to make him grim quickly becomes boring and he looks at me like “come on mom. That was so 2 seconds ago.” Sometimes this is accompanied by a one eyebrow raise. He blew out his diaper this morning and his outfit (the one day I am in a hurry and have to be somewhere. Getting up at 6 to be somewhere at 745 and he blows it at 7). He still dislikes tummy time, and rolls over to his back if he can. We let him skip it a lot and compensate by holding him up or chest to chest with us quite a bit. He can control his head a little and hold it up. It bobbles and sometimes he accidently head butts me. But he is strong! If I hold him up he will stand on my legs for a while and wobble. Granted I am holding him under his arms and mostly supporting him. He is still a champion eater. He clears both boobs in about 15 minutes. If I pump in place of a feeding I get 4oz total.. so I don’t know how we are going to do when he needs more… there isn’t much boob to work with. He loves his swing and his play mat. He kicks his legs (which he also has no idea he possesses) and waves his arms. He also likes bathtime. Especially with mommy. If I bring him in the tub with me he plays by doing froggy legs and I put his head under (minus his face) and he looks like he is thinking about it, but doesn’t complain. The carseat is still his friend. We just took out the tiny baby foam insert (Britax Chaperone) and now he looks small again in the seat. He has very definite ideas about when he wants to be cuddled and when he wants space. Mostly he likes being cuddled. Sometimes though he wants down to do his own thing. I talk to him a lot and make silly faces and voices and he watches me and maintains eye contact. It’s weird to think I am teaching him English and mommy-ness by just hanging out with him. Ok ending my much needed update. And BLUE eyes still! And getting blonder and blonder. With a tinge of red. Like mommy. Though the receding hairline is kind of silly. Babies lose hair. Note to self. Enjoy the picture of his giant cute self!

In Shock

When Max died I lost my future. Yesterday I lost my past. My brother was found dead in his dorm room at school last night. You have to be kidding me world! He was 20 years old. So far it looks like an accident... A byproduct of a life with uncontrolled diabetes. He doesn't have a roommate so no one knew for a while. How long we don't know exactly. He had complained on Facebook of food poisoning Monday, and sent my sister and I a text at 3am Tuesday morning and that the last contact we had. I was with my mom when she got the phone call yesterday from the police and that's where my life... The one i reassembled after Max died... Shattered again. She left to fly home this morning to make arrangements with my dad. We will fly out next week. Why us world? It's almost a year after Max died and now my brother? I don't understand. 

2 Months (Almost)

Well the last almost 6weeks have flown. My little man is a perfect and permanent member of the family. My mom is still out which has been a huge help and blessing. I am still banned from carrying heavy things and walking a lot… so having someone to carry the car seat has been wonderful. My 6 weeks PP appointment is on Monday, and I know what’s coming… I still haven’t healed all the way. The war zone is still sensitive and not healed… and my tailbone still cannot be sat on on hard surfaces or even soft ones for long. Enough about me. All about baby A. He now makes eye contact with the people around him and has given a few very rare smiles. He’s so close though… he almost grins, and sometimes does if I play with his arms. It only works once though. Then he’s over it. At his 4 week appt he was up to 10lb 1oz. and 22.25 inches. 89^th percentile for height! Not really a surprise with hubby and I being pretty tall. He is the most perfect tempered baby. He only fusses when he’s overtired or hungry and its only until he gets attended to.. maybe a minute and no more of fussing. Grandtotal of grumps a day is about 10 min. My sister was out for a week until yesterday and she got to try out her auntly duties and showered love on the easiest to love baby in the world. He is a giant 10lb paperweight and he still never gets set down for long. he has outgrown his newborn onsies lengthwise… on to 0-3 clothes.. which are loose on him but fit his tiny baby feet. He still has greyblue eyes and I hope they stay. He loves bathtime... but only if it’s warmer than what is supposed to be. Then he’s a happy camper chilling in his tub with mommy and daddy fawning over him. And cleaning his neck rolls. Who knew? My pump finally came yesterday (after a month!) and I tried it out... in between feedings I got 3oz which he ate last night from a bottle so daddy could feed him for the first time. I was a little sad but they both enjoyed the experience and I know hubs loved being able to share that. Meanwhile I pumped next to them and felt like a cow getting milked. I wish I knew how much he should be eating oz-wise… you can’t tell if he eats off the boob... so I’m second guessing bottle amounts… too much? Not enough? After the bottle last night he gave me the best nights sleep I’ve had since he was born… put him down at 10., he slept till 230, was fed, changed, down and out by 2:50 and I didn’t have to go back in to soothe him. He gave me until 5:30, put the binky back in and got until 6:30!!!! More of those nights and parenting is gold! He’s currently asleep in the swing and its almost time to eat again. My little ball and chain:) To end this rather short two month recap. A picture.