So I haven’t updated in a while, to the surprise of no one.
I would like to blame motherhood… but it seems like life is running faster than
I can catch up. I figured I was due an update seeing as baby A is two months
old today. Two months! Wow time flies! (says every parent ever). Life first,
Baby A second.
Life: Official COD... blood sugar went too HIGH. Not low.
High. They warn you it’s just as deadly… we still have a thousand questions for
every answer. And will forever. When we talk about him, with either my mom or
sister we speak in present tense or when a question comes up our first response
is “Just call him and ask!” before it hits home that we can call all we want
but that phone will never again be answered and we will never hear him talk to
us again. A thousand things a day make me sad. He was infuriating, annoying, a
copy cat, a tag along, a smart ass, and a know it all. But he was my brother. I was allowed to say those
things. No one else can. Now I am left with another awkward pause when I get
asked certain questions… not only is “oh is this your first/ how many kids do
you have” a landmine… now so is “do you have any siblings/brothers or sisters.”
Even if I just answer “yes” the next question is always “older or younger.” He spent
his entire 20 years as my little brother. I can’t just leave him out forever.. But
if I include him he will be always frozen at 20. I can’t believe that someday
he will have been dead for 20 years. That baby A never got to meet him. That his
room is shut in our house and my sister and dad had to sort thorough and pack
up his room at school. My mom was doing his taxes today, and he had already
done them, signed and dated for today. He didn’t know he’d have been dead for
two weeks when he dated them for today. I’ve mentally called him an idiot in
every way I know how and he has to suck I up and listen because he lost his
ability to defend himself and speak back. I think baby A sees him. Sometimes
there is something over my shoulder that fascinates him and makes him smile. I can’t
even make him smile. But I figure Mom pales in comparison to angels. With Max
and Bryan… baby A will be well guarded.
We were told not to fly home last week because there wasn’t a
service. It was just sitting and then going to clean out his room.. but with a
baby and my body I would have been a hinderance vs. help. Now we are hoping to
make it out this summer for a service. My parents want to have one over the
summer so his school friends can all make it. Which I like. And A will be a
little bigger to travel with. (I typo-ed “little bugger to travel with” which
is also accurate.)
I had my 2 hour glucose test today, if there is a time where
I fear diabetes. This is it. Four blood draws and the most disgusting sugary
drink ever later I was free. Results pending. Baby A was a champ through it. Sat
in his stroller quietly except when I fed him. I went to feed him in a part of
the hospital that was completely out of the way and deserted.. I sit down. No
one around. Within 5 minutes 4 people come sit around me. Seriously?! Ugh. Oh well.
Boobs are boobs. Suck it strangers.
I had my postpartum check up with my Dr, everything is
healing nicely. She removed one stray stitch and declared my down there… good. It’s
forever going to look like Quasimodo. Thanks baby… but she said they can re sew
it if I want or take care of it next childbirth. I’d rather the latter because there
is no sense fixing it to have it break again. Tailbone is still unsittable for
lengths of time. But that’s a broken bone with no way to cast. It just has to
make its own way. She loved on the baby and said he was prefect (yes I know..
go on) and she wants to be our doctor again next time. Yes please.
With my mom gone, I have had to actually parent my child. No
more handing him off or looking to her to affirm all my choices. Sadly I am now
100% responsible all day. The only plus is that I am getting into a routine
with the baby and cooking again, and starting work. I can bring him into work
with me and he sits in his bouncer next to my desk. It’s worked so far… if it
stops I will have to get creative.
OK the real goods. Baby A and his two month self.
He is HUGE! 12.4 pounds and 23 inches! Ok so technically
that is average.. but he is so much bigger than when he was born. He is
currently fussing at me on the ottoman because he wasn’t to be entertained or
picked up. So Pause for now. Ill pick back up later. Hopefully not days later….
Only hours. So we are still good. He got his first shot
today and took it like a champ! We are spreading the vaccines out instead of pumping him full of them all at
once and so today was shot 1. He squeak/yelled for about 2 seconds and then
when hubs picked him up he was totally fine.
He makes eye contact now and grabs my hair if it comes into
range. He doesn’t know he has hands yet, but they grab things by themselves. He
smiles every once and a while when I talk to him and try to get him to giggle. Then
whatever I was doing to make him grim quickly becomes boring and he looks at me
like “come on mom. That was so 2 seconds ago.” Sometimes this is accompanied by
a one eyebrow raise. He blew out his diaper this morning and his outfit (the
one day I am in a hurry and have to be somewhere. Getting up at 6 to be
somewhere at 745 and he blows it at 7). He still dislikes tummy time, and rolls
over to his back if he can. We let him skip it a lot and compensate by holding
him up or chest to chest with us quite a bit. He can control his head a little
and hold it up. It bobbles and sometimes he accidently head butts me. But he is
strong! If I hold him up he will stand on my legs for a while and wobble. Granted
I am holding him under his arms and mostly supporting him. He is still a
champion eater. He clears both boobs in about 15 minutes. If I pump in place of
a feeding I get 4oz total.. so I don’t know how we are going to do when he
needs more… there isn’t much boob to work with. He loves his swing and his play
mat. He kicks his legs (which he also has no idea he possesses) and waves his
arms. He also likes bathtime. Especially with mommy. If I bring him in the tub
with me he plays by doing froggy legs and I put his head under (minus his face)
and he looks like he is thinking about it, but doesn’t complain. The carseat is
still his friend. We just took out the tiny baby foam insert (Britax Chaperone)
and now he looks small again in the seat. He has very definite ideas about when
he wants to be cuddled and when he wants space. Mostly he likes being cuddled. Sometimes
though he wants down to do his own thing. I talk to him a lot and make silly
faces and voices and he watches me and maintains eye contact. It’s weird to
think I am teaching him English and mommy-ness by just hanging out with him. Ok
ending my much needed update. And BLUE eyes still! And getting blonder and
blonder. With a tinge of red. Like mommy. Though the receding hairline is kind
of silly. Babies lose hair. Note to self. Enjoy the picture of his giant cute
self!
