The most common thing any pregnant person is told is “Sleep
now, you won’t get to again for years!” or “Just wait! Your life will be
completely different.” Thanks. I’ll log that away somewhere. Helpful? No. Irritating?
Yes. So here is a collection of things I have figured out that no one really
prepared me for.
No matter how strong your marriage is, how great you are together,
how you never fight… the second that baby
makes its appearance your marriage will take a beating. Hubs and I had the
steadiest marriage… we had only argued maybe once since we started dating and
the number of times I got mad I could count on one hand. After baby: many more.
The thing that sleep deprivation does is makes you short tempered and snappy. I
still loved and love my husband with all my heart, but the first 4 weeks after
baby A came I was not pleasant to anyone. I was exhausted, and worried
everything I did had consequences. My sarcastic side reared its ugly head and
bit my helpful and loving husband after almost everything he said. I would
apologize 50 times a day for my behavior. After we started figuring out
parenting our marriage tipped back onto its solid side, and now we are back to
being a team instead of mama bear and hubs. Parenting is hard. It’s a guess as
you go thing. I had to remember I wasn’t the authority on babies and that he
wasn’t doing everything wrong. Feeling short with your spouse is normal. It also
goes away.
Breastfeeding isn’t torture devised to make women want to
tear their boobs off. After a week or so, you get the hang of it. Soon water
can even touch your nipples again in the shower. Push through the scabs,
cracks, bleeding, and dread of attaching a Hoover vacuum to your already beaten
up sensitive boobs. Use that lanolin stuff like boob chapstick. Something I think
is funny is when I shower with full boobs sometimes the shoot out milk like
tiny water (milk) guns. I call them fountain boobs.
Disposable breast pads, great idea in the beginning when you
are leaking everywhere and your body hasn’t figured out a pattern. After that,
get some washable ones. They don’t crackle when you hug stuff.
You can never have enough burp clothes.
Rent (from the library) The Happiest Baby On The Block DVD. It’s
helpful to teach you how to swaddle. (really works) I have the swaddle specific
blankets, but in a pinch I can use a blanket correctly.
If you have a little boy… he will pee on you. Often. But
they have a built in warning system. Right before they are about to turn on
their fountain of glory their little penis goes slightly erect. Weird I know. But
a clothes saver.
You will do everything wrong according to your mother, your
neighbor, your friend with the baby, and online forums. Here’s a secret. They
are doing it wrong too. There is no tried and true right way to parent. As long
as your baby is fed and happy keep doing what you are doing. Even if someone
else thinks you are crazy.
The sleepy milk-drunk cuddles make up for everything. Never give
them up to do something else. I already miss my newborn baby. This bigger one I
have is different than the cuddly just born one.
Smelling and kissing your baby 700 times a day is actually science.
It helps create and maintain the mother child bond. Something about chemicals
getting released… all I know is that the fact that my baby’s hair is covered in
slobber an hour after a bath is ok with me. It’s worth it for all the kisses.
The best way to dress your baby in a onsie with a neck hole
is to put it on the same way you take it off. Bunch it into a circle around the
neck opening and lay it down (like a donut). Set the baby’s head in the middle
of the hole and then pull the top part over their head. The back of the neck
part is already where it needs to go. Viola!
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