 |
| Oh how happy I look (selfie!) |
Da da da daaaa!!!!! BabyA is now indestructible. How you ask? Here's are
three easy steps. 1. Screw up how your child sleeps so part of his head
goes flat. 2.Wait as long as possible to go to the cranial techs so the
baby has to wear it TWICE AS LONG 3.Pay an obscene amount of money for a
helmet custom made for your baby's head.
We got his helmet fitted today. They came in with it over her arm and it
looked so small and deceivingly harmless. This was our third visit to
the head doctors. First visit was "does he need this" assessment,"
second "he needs this lets get good pictures so we don't screw up the
measurements," third "alright let's see if this fits right."
Insurance covered 5/6th of the price because BabyA's measurements fell into the non-aesthetic-actually-has-a-purpose-because-its-affecting-his-face-symmythry-and-they-dont-want-to-be-responsible-for-Quasimodo. Huzzah?
They put it on and leave it for 15 min to check and see if any points
cause red spots on his scalp, his didn't.. Slight pink at one section so
she shaved down the foam and because it was low over his eyes she
shaved the front to raise it up. Then we rechecked the for and were
given the run down of instructions and off we went with our damage proof
kid. In the elevator on the way down a mom and son got one with us. The
son stared and the mom was careful to not look at his helmet and be
"caught staring." Sigh.
I am really struggling with accepting this helmet. I hate it. I hate it.
I hate it. It's only for three months but it feels like years. I can't
kiss his sweet head and his fat cheeks are hard to get to now too:( I
feel like I failed my kid and everyone is judging me by thinking I
dropped him or something. I know in my head that's not true. But my
heart sees the stares, the quickly averted eyes, and makes up what they
are thinking in my own head. And I am ashamed. I shouldn't be. He's
still perfect.... But I've had a couple mini meltdowns.
BabyA hates the helmet. He can't look up easily, and it's so hot he has
been dripping sweat. The climate outside is super hot too and we don't
have AC so he is twice as miserable. The helmet can come off for one
hour a day during bath time so we can clean the sweat off him and the
helmet, then it's back on for 23 more hours.
I could complain for another 1000 words but now I am sad again.
The good part: we are getting it decorated for free. A car-wrap company in town does baby helmets for free since they are medically 'necessary' for babies. So he sent different designs to choose from... and none of them really floated my boat, so I asked if I could design it myself. And I did. It will get wrapped next week and then maybe I will like it better... I won't put a picture up of it wrapped because it has his name on it and I am careful about stuff like that on the internet. We will also be keeping helmet pictures off facebook because its not really anyone's business. No we didn't drop him.
Baby A Eight Month! 
Tomorrow is going to be a hard day. Tomorrow started 25 minutes ago for the east coast and my sister. Tomorrow my brother celebrates his 21st birthday. In heaven. No bars, no beer, no coming of age shots, no ID that let's him into clubs, no liquor stores, no birthday cake, no bad decisions, no decisions of any kind. Because he has been dead for 6 months. Six. Only half a year he's been gone out of the next 60+ I will live without him. Seeing people write on his Facebook wall wishing him a happy birthday sucker punches me every time I log on. Having Facebook tell me it's his birthday hurts. Like I need the reminder. Like I have forgotten. Like anyone in my family can forget. Like we are going to be doing anything else tomorrow but thinking of him and remembering all the life events he will be missing for the rest of our lives. 
