Today is a day of fear. I fear this baby I am growing may
already be impacted by 10 weeks of uncontrolled GD. I fear I am incapable of
carrying a child to life. I fear the spiral will start if we find out this baby
had a cleft lip and palate like Max did. I fear every time I eat I am harming
this little one. Our appointment on Thursday will be the scariest day. Until then,
I talk to Max. I talk to his sibling. And I apologize over and over again. I’m
sorry I couldn’t do anything for you Max. I’m sorry I may be harming you
Gummybear just by being. I’m sorry my emotional sieve might be doing its own
form of harm. I'm sorry.
This song is the song I always associate with Max, and the
inspiration for the title of my blog. I have it on repeat today because I am
feeling melancholy and miss him more than anything.
I know what I'm doing may be dumb
I know I should not be staring at the sun
But the thought of you leads me to temptation
It's the same whatever side you're on
Separated we are delicate and small
And the space between, needs our attention
I see you right in front of me, as close as you can get
And I pray that you won't leave this daydream yet
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
I don't have to worry any more
If I really need you I'll go to the shore
And the thought of you there is my protection
I see you right in front of me, a vision in my head
And I know this is as real, as a daydream gets
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
You make no sound, but I can hear you in the wind
I can see this never ends, like the sea, like you for me
And it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
I know I should not be staring at the sun
But the thought of you leads me to temptation
It's the same whatever side you're on
Separated we are delicate and small
And the space between, needs our attention
I see you right in front of me, as close as you can get
And I pray that you won't leave this daydream yet
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
I don't have to worry any more
If I really need you I'll go to the shore
And the thought of you there is my protection
I see you right in front of me, a vision in my head
And I know this is as real, as a daydream gets
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
You make no sound, but I can hear you in the wind
I can see this never ends, like the sea, like you for me
And it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
Ocean Size Love- Leigh Nash
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